This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i think i just lost a toe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
