Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
