Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
