I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
