I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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