Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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