No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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