i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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