Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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