is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
