I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
