It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
