I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
