I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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