Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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