I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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