During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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