i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize