i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
