Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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