meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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