You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
