maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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