oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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