mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
