So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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