We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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