So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
