it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
