can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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