If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
