Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
