smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
