I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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