Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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