How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
