I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
