id be glad to
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
