Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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