we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
