The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
