she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
