He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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