So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize