I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
