Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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