I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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