I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
