using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
