I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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