the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize