You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
