Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
