maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
