My balls are so social today.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
