Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
