I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
