just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
two words: eviction party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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