he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
