Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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