you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
