Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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