am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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