She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
