You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
