Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
