So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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